- Location: Uptown Theatre (DC)
- The Day The Earth Stood Still! Consider how portentous a title this is. Any film so named must feature Cataclysmic Globe-Altering Events! The audience will be Riveted to their Seats!! At the very least, the Film will not be Dull!!! Right?
- Unfortunately, the title is by far the most exciting part of the whole experience. The film to which the title belongs is not terrible, but neither is it particularly compelling. Its plot revolves around the arrival of the alien Klaatu (Keanu Reeves), who travels to Earth as a sort of interstellar environmental conservation agent. Before he gets even ten feet from his ship, though, some trigger-happy military type shoots him, causing GORT to be activated. GORT, who has grown considerably since the original film, is a mindless automaton who promptly shuts down all nearby electronics in the interest of defending Klaatu. While the military is left wondering what to try next, Klaatu is whisked away to a secure facility for medical care and the perfunctory dramatic interrogation by the Secretary of Defense (Kathy Bates).
- Most of the rest of the film involves Klaatu fleeing from authorities with the help of astrobiologist Helen Benson (Jennifer Connelly) and her stepson Jacob (Jaden Smith). Actually, it is more accurate to say that Helen does all the helping; Jacob is a constant, whiny impediment. Their first excursion is naturally to McDonald's, where they meet Mr. Wu (James Hong), who arrived on Earth decades before to evaluate humanity's future. After Wu's rather pessimistic report, Klaatu initiates a process that we assume will destroy some combination of humanity and technology. Helen then drags him to meet Professor Barnhardt (John Cleese) who is a Scientist (capitalized) specializing in such disparate fields as biology and general relativity. If you think that multidisciplinary stuff is easy, just ask an astronomer who has trouble keeping his houseplants alive. Anyway, all of the good reasons in the world can't convince Klaatu to save humanity, but hanging out with Jacob for five minutes annoys him into changing his mind.
- The most disappointing part of the movie for me comes at the end, when GORT starts to attack the world. Whatever other problems the film may have had, I figured that nothing could possibly go wrong with a giant robot attacking New York. Such an event never happens. Instead, GORT transmogrifies into a swarm of little metal bugs that slowly start to chew the world to death. How underwhelming. At any rate, Klaatu finally manages to get back to his mothership, sacrificing himself and touching off a burst of energy that seemingly disables GORT and all the electronics on Earth. So humanity is basically still screwed, but at least it is saved from the humiliation of getting eaten by little bugs.
- Although the absence of a giant robot attack obviously stuck in my craw (as it often does), the film was unimpressive in other ways as well. A notable example is the performance of Keanu Reeves, who I assume was chosen on the basis of having a name that rhymes with Klaatu. He's still trying to get by on his Matrix-inspired everything I say is profound approach to acting, which has become a bit stale. Most of the other acting in the film is tolerable, although the characters are typically dull enough that it doesn't matter much. A more fundamental problem with the film is that it is a remake with no reason to exist. It had less drama, worse acting, worse music, and a less sensible plot than the original. The special effects are updated, but are hardly impressive enough to merit a new production. In the immensely more enjoyable original film, humanity got the chance to choose its fate. Here, we're all just along for the ride, and it's not even a fun ride at that.
- According to wikipedia, some of the GR equations were written by Marco Peloso at the University of Minnesota.
- This film was beamed toward Alpha Centauri in the hopes that any potential invaders would fall asleep watching it.
- How about Klaatu phoning ahead for once? Nobody likes the pop-in! Geez, didn't he see the original?
- As a complete aside, Mike Nelson's book Movie Megacheese has an excellent chapter on Keanu Reeves.
